Hey man sorry I got all grabby
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
