remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
