She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
