I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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