Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
