just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize