just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
