there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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