everyone is single if you try hard enough
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
