you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
