I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
