help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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