i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
