It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
