i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.