I wish my penis had an off switch
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help