did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub