so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....