CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
i've created a new STD.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
