You really coming over, don't trick.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place