she looked like the before picture.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I think this conversation is over.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?