If you die in college, do you die in real life?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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