she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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