foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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