I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
