Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize