Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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