Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
