My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
