I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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