Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
