Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
