roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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