When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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