Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
