i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
