why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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