she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
