Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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