you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
