my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
