"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm just crazy horny about you
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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