Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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