I'm gonna have a badass scar
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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