GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
