Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
