I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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