You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
