God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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