i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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