dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
