How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
