you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
