Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize