I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
