oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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