woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
