two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
