i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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