I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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