All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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