You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
