if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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