Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
