The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
