A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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