$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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