oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize