TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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