Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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