I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
