I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
