where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
