OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
