Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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